Do you remember how you used to get nervous and have butterflies in your stomach when you first started dating? How you used to email each other funny things and catch one other’s gaze from across the room? It’s normal for those sparks to get buried under daily tasks like carpooling, housework, and bills that never seem to end. But couples counselors say that the good news is that it’s really simple to reignite that old flame with a few deliberate modifications. More help!
Start small—the power of everyday things
You don’t need to do big things to bring back closeness and excitement, even though many people think you do. Counselors often tell couples that small things they do every day can have a significant effect. Before work, give your partner a hug, put a nice note in their bag, or watch a funny movie together to relax after a long day. Say thank you when your partner does something nice or helps out. Don’t let your real gratitude go unnoticed; it can spread.
Get Out of Your Routine—Do Something New Together
A regular schedule can make you feel better, but it can also make you less excited. Counselors say that you could add some new things to your relationship. For example, you may learn a new dance, try an escape room, or make a dish from a cuisine you’ve never tried before. Couples that try new things together make new memories, strengthen their bond, and get more energy.
Make time for quality time, even if it’s just a little bit.
It can feel tough to find time for quality time when you’re busy. But you can reconnect with just 15 minutes of quiet time each day. Try “mini-dates,” like having coffee together on the porch, playing cards before bed, or going for a tranquil walk with your dog. The idea isn’t to be extravagant, but to have regular, planned times of togetherness.
Remember and celebrate your story
Don’t be frightened to glance back. Look at old pictures, remember your first date, or laugh over the ridiculous, embarrassing things that happened to you both. Counselors say that couples who talk about their finest times together typically find it easier to fall in love again and recall why they fell in love in the first place.
Touching each other outside of the bedroom
Sex isn’t the only way to be close to someone. Holding hands at the supermarket, giving each other a nice back rub, or just leaning into each other while watching a movie might help you feel closer to each other. Little touches make it easy to feel warm and comfortable again.
Even if it’s weird, talk about what makes you happy.
Talking about your wants, aspirations, and fantasies, both big and tiny, is an important part of restoring your relationship. It’s okay to feel a little nervous. Counselors often say that being vulnerable is the key to real connection, and being honest about what you want is the best and bravest way to start.
Lastly, don’t forget to laugh. Laughing is a great way to reconnect. Make fun of your oddities, create a dance party in the kitchen on the spur of the moment, or just tell a joke. Couples who stay fun can get through even the hardest times with their spark still alive.
You don’t need to do something crazy on reality TV to save your relationship. To bring back the spark in your marriage, you need to pay attention, show affection honestly, and choose to start afresh with each new spark you make together.